The last day of 2016.
Thank you Allah, for 2016. The years of brave for me...
Brave to be falling in loved with someone
Brave to choose my career way
Brave to back home and face all problem i was leave behind
Brave to start from the zero
Wish 2017 would be teach me more good things...
About love, life, career, religion, family, friends,
Wish i would be grow up gently
Thanks 2016... Welcome 2017 be nice be friends be good to me...
Bismillah...
Subang 24 desember 2016. 23.23 wib
Entahlah apa yang terjadi hari ini...awalnya hanya peristiwa biasa dan aku blm dapat mengambil pelajaran dari hari yang ku lalui...
Entah mengapa malam sebelumnya aku tidur tidak nyenyak...bahkan suara-suara aneh (seperti suara aungan anjing malam yang menyeramkan) tiba-tiba datang malam itu (23 des.2016)... Hal iti menyebabkan tidurku menjadi tidak nyenyak, faktanya pagi setelah itu aku dan keluargaku harus menempuh perjalanan menuju rumah saudara ku di subang...
Dibangunkan suara ibuku...pagi itu pukul 04.00 tidurku yang tak nyenyak berakhir oleh suara panggilan ibu...dan masih aku acuhkan karena rasa mengantuk yang masih menguasai. Hingga akhirnya suara bapak kembali memanggil yang aku respon dengan kata ya...sembari malas aku bangun dan bergegas karena adzan subuh pun memanggil.
Aku bangun dan bergegas menuju kamar adikku...ku buka pintunya dan dia dgn tegas mengatakan udah bangun aku ga tidur. Keadaan saat itu sangat ganjil kamarnya gelap (kebiasaan tidur kami memang) namun ia tidur dilantai dan dia bilang hal tersebut dengan tergesa...yang langsung aku balas cepat bangun...
Pagi itu pun kami melakukan perjalanan ke subang...
Subang itu sesuatu...panaaaas sangat dengan suhu 26 derajat celcius...panas dibandingkan bandung yang bersuhu rata rata 23_24 saja...dan itu sdh termasuk suhu tinggi...
Namun ada cerita lain yang aku ingin tuliskan hari ini...yaitu perjalanan kami mncari kudapan sekalian hangout di sekitaran subang...
Sore itu adik sepupu ku mengajak aku jalan keluar, yang aku respon dengan jawaban ok setelah magrib tentunya...
Setelah solat magrib...aku adikku dan adik sepupuku (laki2) beranjak keluar rumah dgn menggunakan mobil bapak...
Adik sepupu ku memang agak unik...untuk ukuran sma dia agak unik dan dia ckp dewasa...tapi sikap jahil dan agak ceplas ceplos ngomong buat agak kesal...
Sepwrti biasa dgn gayanya dia bilang bahwa alun2 subang baginya bukan hal yg sulit, karena ia pernah kesana...
Kami pun menyelusuri jalanan subang...masih terlihat lenggang..bahkan sepi untuk ukiran pusatnkotanya dgn waktu malam minggu tentunya...
Dengan yakin adik sepupu melajukan mobil..sepanjang jalan kami berceloteh macam2...dr mengomentari salah satu merek dagang friedchicken rumahan..kfc hingga banyak hal...
Sampailah kita di pusat kota (alun2) kata adikku dgn yakin...aneh... untuk ukuran alun2 terlalu sepi...dgn tidak yakin aku berkata serius masa sih...sepi gini..ini mah pemda...dan kami pun terus melaju menggunakan insting seenaknnya..melalu jalan berbelok ke kiri kemudian jalan lurus.
Hingga akhirnya kami memutuskan menggunakan gps...aku dan adik sepuouku mensetting gps di hp kami masing2...
Dgn tujuan dan titik poin yg sama...namun aneh...kedua hp.menunjukan hal yg berbeda...
Gps ku menunjukan titik poin jalan RA kartini dengan tujuan akhir alun2 subang dgn jarak temouh 5.1 km seingat ku...
Dan gps adik sepupu memperlihatkan jarak hanya 1.5 km dgn tujuan sama, posisi letak kami yang sama namun titik poin berbeda...aku tidak berfikir hal lain mungkin karena perbedaan provider dan signal yang memang tidak terlalu baik...
Kami pun terus mengikuti arahan gps..hingga tersadar bahwa gps adikku berhenti dan menyatakan telah sampai, sdgkan gpd ku menunjukan angka masih 6.1 km (dan aku tidak menyadari bahwa jarak telah berubah)...kami pun mengecek gps sebentar dan memutuskan menggunakan gps milikku dan terus melajukan mobil mengikuti arahan...
Awalnya kami tidak terlalu panik, karena jalan yg kami.lalui masi aman (melalui rumah penduduk) hingga sampai ke satu titik...kami memasuki wilayah hutan gelap...tanpa lampu..kiri kanan pepohonan yang gelap...kami masih berceloteh dan terus melajukan mobil...
Kami berpapasan dgn motor yang membuat kami tenang. Namun kembali khawatir, karena tersadar bahwa jalannan kami benar2 asing dan gelap..hanya pepohonam sepanjang mata memandang...keadaan mobil me jadi mencekam...adik sepupu meyakonkanku bahwa apakah gos menunjukan jarak yg benar..dan aku jawab iya...masih jauh...
Kami berpapasan kembali dgn 2 motor...namun kami semakin panik...adikku meminta adik sepupuku untuk melambatkan mobilnya namun dia berkata tidak...dia sempat mengatakan apakah kita akan balik arah..yang hampir aku iyakan, namun adikku bilang untuk teyap lanjut saja...akhirnya kami pun menutup jendela...fomus oada jalan dan fikiran masing2 dan tetap melaju kedepan...
Entah mengapa seketika itu aku merasa tidak nyaman..merinding dan merasa tidak yakin apakah akan menemukan jalan utama di akhir gps...karena jika melihatbgps hanya menunjuk satu titik bukan jalan utama..dan seolah jalan yg kami lalui adalah jalan utama (terlihat jelas di gps)...
Hingga akhirnya kami semakin panik hampir saja kami keluar jalur. Anum sepupuku walau sma dia sangat berkepala dingin dan dapat berkonsentrasi dgn baik wlau jalanan tidak ia kenal...
Aku pun membaca doa dan memohon perlindungan pada Allah..hingga akhirnya alhamdulillah kami memasuki perkampungan kembali, dan kami menemukan akhir gps dan alhamdulillah ternyata jalan utama, yg ntah bagaimana tidak terlihat di gps...
Kami tdk berfikir apapun yg aneh..kani tertawa kembali...dan membuka gps untuk kembali mencari alun2 yg kami tambahkan kata kota subang di kotak pencarian...dan kami pun melalui jalan awal.kembali, yaitu jalur utama setelah keluar dari kompleks saudara ku...
Seolah dejavu..kami mengulang semua yg telah kami lalui..berceloteh tntg Fried chicken rumahan yg sama...menemukan lampu hijau perempatan yg menunjukan angka yg sama dgn perjalanan pertama tadi dan kami berlomba untuk melampauinya...
Satu hal yg berbeda...kami melihat hal yang tidak kami lihat sebelumnya...kami.melihat jalanan sangat ramai..cafe2 yang ingin kami tuju semua berjejeran di jalan...dan sangat berbeda dari jalam yang kami lalui sebelumnya...aneh...
Hingga akhir ya setelah berkeliling kami pun menghentikn kendaraan kami di rumah pizza subang...bercakap hal yg ingin kami saling bagikan..kembali kerumah dan dirumah kami menyadari bahwa banyak hal aneh yg terjadi tadi...
Bersyukur Allah masih melindungi karena
1. Daerah yg kami lalui tadi adalah daerah pembegalan
2. Banyak terjadi kisah2 mistik
3. Kami berhasil kembali dgn selamat...
Banyak.pelajaran yg kami dapat..aneh memang namun kami belajar...
Alhamdulillah hirrobbilallamin...
Terima kasih Allah...
Justine said can't stop the feeling...
Yaps...sad..happy... feeling silly...bad... confuse...oeople something can't stop all the feeling...
Today, when i woke up in the early morning, i can't stop its feeling...feel bad.. maybe worse...
Really need shoulder to hide...to lie my head and all my mind...need shelter to hide for a while...
In my age...no friend...why bexause they all have their own friend...life friend ...i still haven't met him yet...
But i now realise...i need someone...really badly with this needs...
How could i find him...when i just stay at home because i haven't got my job yet...
Really waiting is a bad thing i have to do...i badly inpatient about it...
Need an activity...daily i think...
And also need partner of life...wanna tell all of it..but who could listen on me... except Allah always...
Wanna get married...
Getting a new job
Have alot of necessary product...
Passion change...dreams always change...
And My life changed too...
When i woke up in this day...i thought about going marriage and have baby...
I almost forgot about my passion to future study, make a research...do something necessary for societies...
Because i had another purpose to be wife and mother...
Ya Allah my mighty...could i married at the next year...
Could i have a child and going to be a wife and mother...
Allah...please meet me with him...who will be my everlasting friend...who will convenience me...walk alongside together...solve problem together...smile together...face all the things together...
Today...i just thinking to be married...
But i still do not know how could i married...
Who would be my husband...my friend...
I really want to meet you...
Please do not forget with our promised to be meet at the time we had been made...
Wish the next year i had been married...
When people asked me about what type of man who want me to be a husband, i always answer like i wanna asked had not thought...
Finally i realize, I definitely dominan alpha with mid beta, the yellow women...and I really need beta as my husband-blue one...
Whe i watched movie (any genre), i always love man who had warm character, silent, charming but not talk too much, smart, mysterious, silent watched, who always give his shoulder when the women need but never hold her too tight...
When i watched korean drama, i felt sick when the man who had that character finally only got dump and not the primery love...hee...i know now, because that my type...
So when people asked me what are you type of man to be your husband...i will asked...like hatta..warm, never hold me tight, wise, like beta man...not alpha or omega also not theta
Entahlah...hari itu tiba-tiba keinginan untuk menulis cerita, kembali menyeruak dalam relung imaji. Kebimbangan untuk merajut arah tulisan membawaku kembali membuka catatan lama ekuilibrium fantasi.
Ku buka folder story dalam laptop setiaku...ku klik sana dan sini untuk menentukan file apa yg kan aku baca..
Dan cerita petualangan yg telah aku tulis sebanyak 28 halaman itu pun menjadi pilihanku...yah cerita fiksi yg aku tulis 8 tahun yang lalu...
Ku baca haln demi halaman...heem...okay juga idenya...bener ini gue banged...itulah percakapan yang terlintas saat ini...
Memang masih kurang sana dan sini..namun ide yg tertuang menggambarkan apa yang aku senangi...
Tertawa dan berfikir sendiri melihat semua itu...yaa...ternyata aku banyak.mengalami perubahan...entahlah apa ini perubahan.positif atau malah lebih banyak penurunan kualitas diri...
Yang pasti ini adalah alur kedewasaan...
Mimpiku yg lain adalah menulis sebuah karya fiksi...semi ilmiah tentg petualangan...namun sekarang seolah passion itu terkikis...yaa.. mungkin karena banyaknya jurnal dan kenyataan kehidupan yang membawaku pada keadan real bukan imajiner...
Tapi aku harus mewujudkan mimpi itu...menuliskan sebuah karya fiksi yang mencerminkan keinginan diriku, memiliki arti dan menginspirasi pembacanya...
Bisakah? Harus bisa...
Katya ilmiah hampir menjadi bagian hidupku...dan saat ini ada mimpi yg sempat tertunda dan harus terrealisasikan...
Mengapa tidak...😊 Semangat
The edge of 20th...people asked properly about hey..when you will going to marry...
And what i have to answer?...
Still no idea...coz still haven't met him yet...
I just wish i would be meet him as soon as possible...
Really i feel meh and lazy to respond about that question...
The edge of 20th the begining of 30
But time goes by... people can keeo going with it...and I have to be brave not to listen them...
This is my life... When something bad happen to me after all the unthinkable thing...they wouldn't responsible...they would be get another topic to talk...
So just going with you and Allah...
Today, feel like I am really suck...feel confuse with what Allah plan for me...
Still no regret with all the thing I have been choose, but feeling I useless...
Have no job...no career...no man...stay at home...but for sure it just a while...
Had not enough sleep tonight...my mind was blowing...it flew to much place...more people but i didn't know where or who were they...
Wanna cried but can't...feeling absurd... chaos in my head and my heart
Until i realized if Allah always beside me...and all the negative think became fuzz in my head...
Bismillah i do believe...Allah is teaching me about pleasure...about patience...so it would be a journey which i never regreat after...but it the consequences which i remember ever...
Allah...You never allow me to cry...so i have to smile either glowing...
I believe all the things have come for one reason, Becaus you love me and care about me...
Thanks Allah..bismillah i have to be a great person...a good one...
I believe after the sorrow...You will give me a partner of life... And like today unpad calling...
Bismillah
The edge of 20th...people asked properly about hey..when you will going to marry...
And what i have to answer?...
Still no idea...coz still haven't met him yet...
I just wish i would be meet him as soon as possible...
Really i feel meh and lazy to respond about that question...
The edge of 20th the begining of 30
The truth is 30 years old...
Remember all the things happened in my life...
I have to do something more and greatest...
In fact i will find you my soulmate...just waiting on me...okay...😍😘
Feeling...love..sad..anger... disappointed...suck...happy... shame... guilt... All are became one..that is human...
And i am human...i have all of the feeling...
But i really wanna feel love...really impatiently...
Feeling yaps just a feeling...
Huaaaaaaaaaaa
I do not know what i am feeling today...when i woke up in the morning, all bad feeling was coming...
Empty, anger, suck, hate, wanna cry but my head told me why i have to cry...
It is feel like my chest gonna blow up...
Like a balloon which boom sudently.
Feel like child who did not give the fav. Toy from her parents...
Feel empty with lilbit ache...not guilty but it is the real empty...
Think and also though with my mind...why it is just happen and come into me...
Is it generally because something, or is about something....
Think again...where I am going...
What i am going to do...
And my tear come suddenly...
Is it really what i wanna...
Is it really what i have to do...
But the answer always same...yes this is all i have to do...
My heart going trumbling...no passing on beat...no power on it...it just an empty...just empty...
What i am need now?
Need a shoulder to lay down my head...
Need hand to give support to me...
Need someone who said to me, if everything is going okay... just believe with it...
And now i just need home...
Time after time was running out...thinking..how much i have been wasted the time...
Here i am on empty alley...no one on my way...no one give me advice...no one really care...no one...
Blank side...that is my way...can not thinking clearly... Not also focus...
Missing my passion on work...its like i just wanna run away to some where out of map...cant be detects by GPS...Just wanna hide...alone...for a while...
Stuck about a married questiin...and also sick with the job...
Wanna say i m quite...for now...just wanna hike the mountain...a cross the rivers...staring the sun set on the beach...
Really hate become like this
