the dream pop up again and make me feel on fire hahah

I know it wouldn't easy for me to reach ielts 7 or 100 IBT score. But possible right?.... 

Im almost 40nt now, no married yet. Because of that i change my direction of life to reach my old dream... Being PhD abroad... 

Not easy yeah i know, but nothing impossible i believe that becauss Allah will guide me and give me the easiset way for reach that... 

This years almost past a half of, and I have 6 month to go for improving my english, find the supervisor, get the LOA and my scholarship (my target scholarship is LPDP) and also i have to make a sure my research first. That all my target in 2025.

After that in 2026 wish i could fly to sweden at Uppsala university. 

I dont know why i choose Uppsala. Just like a fate but i sure that Allah sight. 

Yesterday i search about the university which have midwifery subject for PhD, i found any such as Manchester, Leeds, hutfshi or somtehing hahh its difficult for me to speeling and pronounced hahha... Huddersfield, and some university in united kingdom, but not QUB in dublin (which i have to plan before) 

I dont know why QUB havent had on the LPDP list, otherwise i have a plan to study there 10 years ago... But maybe know Allah want me to learn in other country. For what? I still do know... 

Bismillah that my magical word which i say for all my planning... 

Wish Allah give me the best answer, make all happen easily to reach... 

If i have in Sweden, i hope i would learn more and see widely and also i can do hajj from there... 

What about spouse hemm i dont know either... Why... Because that is the thing really difficult to plan, to reach out why?? Because all og that need Allah sin. Without that we could do nothing... 

Allah please help me to reach out all my planning for school PhD abroad. Nothing left on my dream and norhing can make my self up again feel realize and life except all of this.. 

I dont know what will happen than, but i believe that Allah, You always give the best for me... Until know all happen on my live is beautiful even though i fell disappointed about what was happened in my pass 5 years but when i thinking loud about it... Thats nothing i have to disappointed, why because that made me grows up... 

But im still human, whose feel worries, feel meh, feel negative, feel block out, feel hate and any all the feel i fell but thank you Allah you never let me alone behind... 

That make me believe I can always holds onto no matter what... 

The 1st of June in 2025

When all the dream will come out and reach out

Bismillah... 

hallow aging

Kaget banget pas ngadepin kaca ngeliat kepala ekh nemuin rambut perak mengkilap... Langsung mellow malam hari... MasyaAllah nikmat Allah yg mana yg akan ku dustakan... Ternyata aku sudah setua ini 38 tahun tapi masih aja ngerasa bocil ga dewasa... 

Ngerasa mellow inget umur yg mungkin sudah berkurang jatahnya di dunia, dan pertanyaannya sudah apa... Berapa banyak bekal yg disiapkan.. Rasanya masih nol... Ga kerasa air mata ngalir ga ketahan... 

Iya inget mati... Inget amal.. Inget dosa... Inget banyak hal buruk yg dilakukan selama hidup... 

Inget ngejulidin orang, inget marah²... Inget kesel ga jelas... Inget iri dengki hasut sombong... Inget blm ngebahagiaan diri sendiri... Ngebahagiain orangtua... Inget belum dikasih jodoh sama Allah... Tetiba keinget banyak hal... 

MasyaAllah uban... Hanya dari sehelai uban yg baru kelihatan... 

again and again

Ketika sesuatu terjadi secara berulang...artinya memang kita yang tidak belajar. Tidak belajar untuk mencegah hal itu terjadi...menggangap sesuatu berlebihan, berharap sesuatu selain kepada pemilik hati...dan lagi lagi itu terjadi...

Sudah jelas bukan harus menjaga hati...hati itu rentan...ketika sudah cocok dan kamu mebiarkanya jatuh, siap siaplah untul hancur...

Karenanya jangan memutuska untul jatuh cinta...tapi mencintai saja...

Ketika kamu memutuska untuk mencintai..maka kamu memiliki kendali atas hati...logika tetap jernih ga needy ga ngarep hal² yang seharusnya ga diharepin karena memang ga ada harapan...hahahha

Sooo lets move on honey...you deserve to be happy remember that...no galau..no needy...just have control about your heart your mind and your self...

Remember the bst of you are waiting...just patient about that...one by one will solve..

Love my self...love my future friends and husband...love you...

when the heart became cooling

Kamu tau rasanya jatuh cinta? 

Kata orang berjuta rasanya...ga tau kaya apa pada awalnya. Tapi sekarang aku jatuh kesana...

Beberapa waktu lalu aku bilang sama seseorang, jd penasaran rasanya jatuh cinta..dan sepertinya aku mulai jatuh. Sakit rasanya, ga banget...ga mau lagi ngerasain kaya gini. Tapi kata org ini adalah waktu pendewasaaan...

Ga semua cinta itu menyakitkan...kebanyakan menyenangkan....

Mungkin sekarang kamu jatuh dan ngerasain sakitnya, tapi bangkit dan sembuh saja, nanti kamu akan mendapatkan rasa yang luar biasa....

Suka sama seseorang karena nyaman...nampak ga mungkin. Ta pi.kenyataannya semua hal yang ga mgkin itu jadi mgkin.

Ketika kita bilang tidak, otak kita akan berkata iya...dan itu yang terjadi...

Sedikit buta akan cinta..gila...

Semua target ga kekrjain, yang dilakuin ga bener semua...

Itu bikan cinta yg membangun tapi destruktif....apa masih mau bilang itu cinta...

Kamu kan selalu bilang cinta itu buat seseorang tambah baik bukan tambah ga baik...

Dan skrg yang terjadi kamu tambah ga baik...

Bangun dong sayang dr mimpi... Jadi diri yang bener jgn yg kaya skrg...

Jadi okay aku jatuh cinta...dan aku nikmatin aja tanpa hanyut larut...

blooming after faded

Minggu lalu kaktus membusuk...dan aku biarkan dia tetap bertahan di tempatnya... Namun itu bukan hal yang baik. Aku harus membereskan setiap permasalahan yang ada, bukan hanya membiarkannya tetap menjadi bagian diri dan merusak bagian lain yang sehat. Meskipun aku menyukainya...

Hari ini aku harus menjadikannya titik balik...aku harus bs bersahabat dgn sistem dan membaliknya suatu saat nanti...

Saat ini, aku hatus belajar sabar dan ikuti setiap anak tangga yang harus di tahapi...daan berjalan sedikit dengan tetap elegan dan penuh kebermaknaan untuk diri...

Menyusun strategi baru...

Memanfaatkan waktu...

Aku harus ambil kendali bukan hanya bermimpi...

Welcome home my self...🥰🥰🥰😍😍

Friends

Just I always says, that friend is someone who hasn't blood string but string like family.
Friend always listening and understanding ...
We shares, cries, smile together...

Pleasure to have you all
Friends of elementary school
Friends of junior high --> Mojako gengz
Friends of Senior High
Friends of D3
Friends of D4
Friends of S2
Friends of WDH
Friends of Stikes Surabaya

Thank you ...😍😍😍

Like a blue was taken

1st march 2018

On my 31st. Took a new duty as a principal assistance.

Kind of didn't like it...but have to take it.

And now like a blue going grey. All the think seem so absurd. Have to thought about everything.

Kind of make a some depressed....

Bismillah...the only power to pass it...